Monday, May 31, 2010
I think I've already talked about this before but I LOVE my friends. I just had a crazy memorial day weekend that included many many different and wonderfully crazy things happening. I love being able to still have a good time despite not being in college and enjoying all my friends celebrations this weekend. I have come out of my shell a lot these past few months and I've been able to do so because of them. Sometimes I say a little too much of what I'm thinking, but most of the time it makes people laugh :) I have gotten so comfortable being myself lately that I feel like I can do just about anything and not worry about who is going to judge me because when you're with your friends it's like a big shield and I ignore those that might make those judgements, whereas before that's all I thought about. I mean I walked outside in public for a good chunk of time wearing my Lady Gaga costume which consisted of spandex pants, boots, and a plastic tarp with tape over my nipples. I walked down the street with the rest of my friends looking completely ridiculous, but not scared at all for what people might say. This gaga night ended with us going up to West Hollywood and really getting down dirty. Let's just say that I was taken home but this random guy who looked better at the club, I ran outta his place back to my friends and back into the club where I found my next victim...Well also to describe the rest of the evening. If you know the song Tik Tok by Ke$ha "I'm a fight til we see the sunlight" well we saw the sunlight as we got home at around 6am. It was a VERY interesting and random night which is what I love the most. I took Saturday off. HA. Sunday night began with another round of my favorite blue moons and waiting for the stupid taxi which never did arrive. I have already used and abused second street bars over the last couple years so I really detest them especially when there are lines. I don't wait in lines...But, luckily it was a sunday and not that many people were out. I was able to get people to stumble down to evo (formerly belmont station) because it has the only dance floor on the street and I wanted to get down. I got everyone there and we tore up the dance floor like we were in west hollywood. People stared, people gawked, some said things, but I didn't care because I was with my friends and they were being just as equally crazy with me. I loved it, we dominated and we all made love on that dance floor. Nothing can describe how I feel about these nights and I have so much fun doing random and crazy things like having bruises on my knees and smelling like my friend's perfume. After we got most people home, the remaining stragglers had to sober up so we sat outside on the street talking as loud as ever until we were finally yelled at by some angry neighbors. I will never forget these nights and I don't want them to stop for a very long time, until my dancing injures me somehow....
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
So today I started my first day at Honda Corporate as an on-call receptionist...yes a receptionist. When people hear receptionist they automatically think FEMALE! WOMAN! LADIES! Well yes I suppose that through our times we have stereotyped this position and what's even funnier is that I am probably the first male receptionist at this Honda center. I have the necessary experience having worked in entertainment internships and dealing with busy phone lines and my most recent position working for a crazy man as his personal assistant. So it is the talk of the town so far with everyone walking by my desk as I'm being trained thinking I'm the IT guy fixing the ladies' computers (even though I COULD probably do this). So my trainer today was tallying the amount of responses they got from me as shocked people figuring out I'm the new receptionist. I mean like shock in their faces...like how preposterous, and comical. I GUESS. I think it's a lot more common in the entertainment industry with men as receptionists' rather than a more corporate setting like Honda because I didn't think about it until my supervisor said she had to write up a dress code just for me and that it was this new revolution for them. I don't mind at all and I think there needs to be some manness in this place. The comments are funny, but they will get old fast as I am just as competent as any other female receptionist. I just happen to have a funny thing in between my legs. Times are changing for me (the gay thing) and I feel like I'm helping by breaking into Honda as a receptionist and giving people a new form of "receptionist" to look up to. Or...maybe I'm just really overanalyzing it....probably....
Monday, May 24, 2010
So the last few days I have been subjected to several season and series finales of some of my favorite shows. Most notably LOST which echoes an emotional response I had when ALIAS ended as well as the re-imagined Battlestar Galactica. Folks, I only watch quality television and I do argue with those people that don't "waste their time with TV" which I find to be preposterous. Of course there's tons of crap out there. But then there's stuff I like to compare to great novels that have a point and something where the viewer has a connection and the reason why I chose to study film and media in college.
I finally came to the conclusion that I enjoyed the LOST series finale even though at first I was just rolling my eyes. What I liked about the characters of lost is that they were all flawed, as all of us are, even when we try to hide those things. Everyone has messed up big time at least once in their lives. So, they are relatable and these characters have gone through shit storms and they've managed to cover up these secrets to the people they have met after they are stranded on this island. But, eventually they are found out as the inevitability of secrets do and there are so many consequences both positive and negative. I get so enamored with the characters in my favorite television shows because of how I can relate. It seems dumb, but even Alias gave me a glimpse into something that I felt I experienced in my own life. Sydney Bristow's mother supposedly dies in a car crash at a young age and is basically ignored by her father while growing up. Eventually she grows up to be a spy (that her father secretly trained her for while growing up (SO SHE WAS FORCED INTO THIS LIFE of ESPIONAGE)) and learns that her mother is actually alive (who is a "bad" spy) and is a crazy bizznatch who shoots at her daughter when seeing her for the first time in years. As the series goes on Sydney gets more shit piled up onto her than any other working woman I know, and sometimes, when there seems to be some kind of a mended semblance of a relationship with her parents (and half sister...long story) something goes wrong. But like most divorce situations, Sydney's parents were too concerned with their own ambitions (of protection and of finding eternal life (Another long story)) to really think about the child they had brought into this world who has to deal with the repercussions of her parents actions (which she never asked for in the first place). I think that what satisfied me most about the ending of the series was that her father eventually apoligized for everything, but her mother was still stuck on something "greater" than her daughter and Sydney never got that real closure she needed from her....Maybe I'm going crazy here because it's almost 2am. But, I think you catch my drift if you've been reading my posts here. I felt that kind annoyance and heartache that these characters have experienced loss and hopelessness, and I feel like it helps me cope in some ways. Even with Battlestar Galactica, it questions the notion of a "one true god" and my own confusion about "what's really out there" and LOST did the same thing with this whole light and dark, heaven and hell thing that doesn't necessarily have to do with a certain religion but just a question about what we have faith in.
I think I blabbed a lot and I think people that have watched all three of these series and know me would understand that's it's not me on crack or anything. But I love these kinds of series that represent ourselves for who we are as human beings both in the best of times and in the worst. If a show can make me get all teary-eyed and choked up like when I did with Alias, Lost, and Battlestar Galactica, then you have made a successful series.
So don't knock the boob tube just yet...give it a chance and I promise you that you can find something there for yourself, just like you could find in a book.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
A long time ago in a faraway land I used to do crew and that is where I met all of these lovely people who are in my life now. I realized the only reason I kept doing crew was because of these people and not my actual love (or lack thereof) of the sport. I was super shy when I joined the team and I hadn't really made any friends my first year of college and would always tag along with my best friend who came to school with me. Once her irritation got to a boiling point I decided to take the plunge into a new social scene where I didn't know anyone. I have a lot of trouble with social situations that some of my friends may not know about me. It almost hurts when I am somewhere alone and I don't know anyone else around me. I get really nervous and tap my foot, drink tons of water, check my phone like I'm important or expecting a call. It's a pretty stupid feeling to have but I hate standing around in public and I've been working on it for some time and have gotten better but it's still this weird thing. ANYWAYS I digress yet again from what I was trying to talk about.
I met a slew of new amazing people that are still in my life today and that I will know forever I hope. However, I met this one person who will remain nameless (for now) that was a great friend that turned the other direction out of nowhere...I was friends with a group of girls (of course) on the women's team and we all ate lunch and brekkie at the dorm dining halls. This one girl who I am talking about was a cute little thang and we sort of dated (I say that because, well I don't know what the hell that was...I was definitely confused) for a few months. I broke it off for obvious reasons. I was kind of an ass about it I guess I was just getting bored and I was also going through the whole you know "gay thing". I abruptly ended it and of course made her cry because this was a common occurrence at practice anyways. Now that I think back about the situation it makes me laugh because I said: "don't cry...it's not a big deal, we can still be friends I just don't think it's working out" she ended up crying and then blabbing to everyone at the team carwash the next day. (I don't feel so bad either because this guy that liked her would always talk to her and she would talk to him while we were dating...and look they are together now!) I was also afraid of the repercussions because all of these ladies I hung out with were her friends too. Luckily for me most people didn't realize we were "dating" and no one really cared, it was just awkward because I would see her everyday. Eventually we were able to be friends again...or so I thought. However, once the crew season ended and the next year came, my ladies abandoned the team (for good reason). In this time I had tried to be friends with this girl and everything seemed to be alright we were facebook friends and left the occasional comment now and then and AIM chatting. I would see her on campus like every tuesday night because her class got out right before mine (at first she totally pretended like I wasn't there, even though I know she saw me, I finally had to yell her name like 20 times until she decided to turn around and talk to me) I thought things were fine (we even went to go see a movie and hang out!) and then one day a year and a half after we had been "dating" I go to do a little facebook stalking and I am no longer her friend. I was like "oh she must have accidentally deleted me when she was going through her friends" so I click add friend again and nothing happened. I then attempted to AIM chat her and no response. I was then irritated and once again friend requested and sent a message saying something along the lines of I dunno what I did or said wrong for you to delete me but let me know! Like I said, we were friends and we had talked about the whole "dating" situation and we were fine. This isn't just me though, it happened to the rest of my lady friends as well and she just dropped them like flies. One of my really good friends from the team also had this happen to her. She basically said to her "we have nothing in common since we're not on crew together anymore". Things like that really hurt because all of the girls I met were very different outside of crew and I love them for that and that's why we're friends. It made it seem like they were only friends because of the sport they did which was not true at all if you had seen the interaction we all had with her. You would be utterly confused and hurt as she continues to avoid (completely turning around and running away if she sees you) and throw away that year we all had together like nothing happened. So I don't like her, and not really about me and her, but about the close friendships she made with those other girls that really valued her friendship. She can be mad at me for the dating and break-up (and her turning me gay, hahaha), I could care less, but cutting out people in your life without a blink of an eye is not right and I am angry at her for that and doing that to MY friends.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
So of the many problems that I have, HEY at least I know I have problems and issues! I think they all stem from my hoarding. Yes, ladies and gentlemen I am a mini-hoarder. I am embarrassed to say but if some of you have ever attempted to step into my room you know what I'm talking about. Especially when I used to live in an apartment by the college that was worse than what it is now. I know exactly why I do the hoarding and messiness that is my room. It all began from my mother making me pick up every single morsel of anything left on the ground and have it all put away before I could EVER do anything. That, along with having a set television program schedule. I had an allotted time that I could watch tv every day and I had to get my shows approved by my mom before I could watch them. On rare occasion she would let me watch a ten o'clock show...I had very strict guidelines while growing up that I felt were just kind of over the top. I got tired of things having to be this way and that and no other way. I got really frustrated at times and my irritation would boil to the breaking point (and it eventually did). None of my other friends were subjected to this kind of upbringing and instead of teaching me how to clean up after myself it made me hate it even more now down the road. My mother would get so worked up over things not being clean and my mindset was like who cares!? My one sock would be lying on the floor and she HAD to say something because to her it was irritating. I look at life differently, wanting to not be like my parents, while I love them, they are not like me. I am all about living life to the fullest and why would I spend three hours on a saturday cleaning...every saturday when I could be outside feeling more productive and doing something I like. I understand the importance of cleanliness and I know it has to be done at times, however, I just don't get my panties in a bunch when I leave a shirt on the floor because growing up I spent so much time being poked at and prodded for cleaning my room. This all changed when I was forced (not according to my mother though) to go live with my ex-father whom I had never wanted to see again. Now the only really parent who has ever had authority over me has been my mother because when I did something wrong, she would punish me and follow through (plus she raised me and my ex-father was emotionally out the door). When I lived with Ex-father he had no control and he could tell me all he wanted to clean up but I would just be like "yeah, whatever" because he would never follow through with consequences like my mother. I began to have control over someone else and it felt really good (kinda like THE FORCE) and I became the biggest brat ever (but karma is a bitch isn't it? so I don't feel so bad about it now) I wasn't the best child at this point but I had a vendetta and I got my way more than I ever had before. Power definitely makes you crazy. Like I've said, I don't give in to bull shit and my ex-father was full of it. Thus, I never cleaned my room I lived in it just the way I wanted and I never ever had to mow the lawn again on saturdays or clean up my dishes and watch whatever the fuck I wanted (which included The Real World). I had a freedom like no other during this time and maybe it messed me up...but I think I turned out alright so far ;) After I left that nonsense and came to college I really had the freedom I wanted and my hoarding and lack of organization and cleanliness has affected me. BLEH! I hate admitting being wrong, but at least I can more than other people would. It definitely does affect your life not have things organized and holding onto things that have no value anymore. I am afraid to let go of something that's in these items, even the paper plate lying under the bed...Or all of my clean clothes from the dryer scattered on the floor and at the foot of my bed because I'll waste time hanging them up...I think I need a little change here into a better organized lifestyle. However, I will say that every once in awhile I will go into anal mode and clean everything but it's a super power that only lasts me a couple of hours and it's on rare occasion where I fix everything and it looks great for about a week until I slip into my evil ways. As much as I need to fix this, I also am not completely ashamed. I love the fact that I am more carefree than my mother and that I don't let the little things get to me as much like I used to. I think I have to learn how to balance both my carefree and organizational mindset so that maybe life will be just a little bit easier to navigate.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
So there's a person in my life who is still having trouble accepting me for who I am. It can be quite difficult because you don't understand what it is that you can say to change their mind. This goes for anyone else who feels like aren't being accepted for who they are. Hypocrisy is what makes this world go round and I am definitely a hypocrite at times, just ask my best friend. (Although, she's more a of a flip-flopper like Sen. Kerry during the 2004 elections). But I generally stick to what I say and try not to back-track or judge someone else because of the mistakes they have made that I might have made myself. I told a good friend some things that I had not told anyone before because I felt embarrassed, but they understood, and it helped me understand who they were and why they were doing the things they were doing. Rather than outright judge and make them feel shitty about themselves I revealed my own vulnerability that we both could understand. My friend and I are a lot alike even if we don't share the same anatomy :) but when you go through similar situations you can really understand someone else on a level other people can't. But I digress (as I always do).
This person in my life is the only person I've encountered who's had a harder time dealing with the fact that I'm gay. When I came out to this person I wasn't really worried and I just was like whatever, but the response I got was tears (and not of joy) as I tried to crack a joke about which epically failed. I also got words of being scared of my "safety and health" meaning AIDS and "what did I do wrong?" Not the most helpful words, and obviously this is my mother. If my mother did anything wrong it definitely wasn't about that, after all the shit that we've been through this is the only thing she can admit some kind of remorse for "wrong-doing"? eek! I love my mother but sometimes she is stuck in her own world and won't let anyone tell her differently. She is a liberal person, but I had to find out from my sister that she was still "struggling" with the thought of me being gay. My mother also seems to make everything about her and is extremely dramatic (that's where I get it from ladies and gentlemen). By the way, I am always wrong and she always knows how to make my sister and I feel like we know nothing about the real world and life. I beg to differ and sometimes I wish parents would learn from their children living in this very different and changing world. At this point in my life, having an extremely negative and distressful ex-father and being picked on all through childhood, I don't need bull shit. I have surrounded myself with amazing people who could care less about who I sleep with, and those are the people you need in your life that won't judge you, but will also help be critical (but not hypocritical) when you tell them a problem you're having. My mother explained to me that I needed to give her time (mind you my parents only friends at the moment are this gay couple that they hang out with all the time, like ALL THE TIME and then when it comes to me it's this whole dramatic and hypocritical response). I will give her time, but we aren't getting any younger and I definitely won't tolerate people who don't accept me. It is my family so it is different I suppose. Hopefully things change because this world is changing.
Monday, May 17, 2010
So I have this guy standing next to me who is my roommates friend and I'm like wtf....He must be drunk too as he explains to me he came by to "hang-out" with him but that he had already passed out. He offered me a beer and I said, umm no that's okay, I was like you know he's an alcoholic right? I just spend the last week trying to get him into rehab. My roommate has the weirdest friends and they are like 15 years old. Alcoholics have problems I can't even begin to fathom and I think my roommate has deeper ones I can't even comprehend. At almost 50 years of age, I'm sure I might know a couple people who are like 20-25, but I don't think we would "hang-out" on a regular basis and that I would most likely hang around people in my age range....My roommate needs to get away from these children he finds who are these losers. My best friend (who tends to get wasted by herself on a monday night after work *she's on the phone with me now telling me about blabies*) is like scared for my life as I tell her about this creepy guy who is standing there trying to make conversation with me. You know the most awkward moments you've ever had like you see on TV...yeah this was one of those. "I'm gonna call my mom now" I say and he continues to stand there and of course my mother doesn't answer....awkward...So he finally gets the hint and goes downstairs and disappears. Meanwhile my roommate is still passed out probably drunk after he told me he was gonna "get sober on his own". I don't think I've been so insulted in my life after helping someone make a change in their life who turns around and throws it in my face. I could have been out trying to get my new job and living my life. But, instead I chose to help my roommate overcome something he told me he was willing to commit to. Obviously I was wrong, so it's time to step away and move onto worrying about my life and not his.
Friday, May 14, 2010
I am a half latin and white caucasian white boy basically. My white mother got her degree in the language of spanish and teaching, basically a spanish teacher and regular english/social studies teacher. AND then my ex-father whom I've mentioned before is from the land of Oaxaca in Mexico (legally immigrated), other than the name I don't know where that is really but somewhere south of the border. He happens to be a high school Spanish teacher AND Spanish Literature person as well. So, naturally I can read, write, and speak spanish fluently.....WRONG! I could not even read taco bell's menu if I tried or pronounce anything in a mexican accent, I just sound silly. I figured out the reason my sister and I never learned it was because my parents were too busy arguing with each other and especially when I was born aiming towards the most disastrous divorce known to mankind. So you know how you wanna blame your parents for something and it's usually your fault? Well I always throw them under the bus when it comes to this topic as to why I don't speak spanish AT ALL. The only reason I can sort of understand some things is because I took four years of French in high school (in rebellion of not learning spanish in the first place). It's unfortunate that my parents didn't teach it to me and I know that secretly my mother is embarrassed when other people laugh and we stand there awkwardly as I fake laugh and want to roll my eyes. I've accepted the fact that I didn't learn it and I am actually glad that I didn't (I heard it can kill your grammar as you develop early on) which comes to the one little hypocritical conservativevsliver of my liberalness. I am American and I happen to have this latin and caucasian ethnicity that represents my physicality, however, it doesn't define me. My morals, values, and the person I grew up to be in "America" is my real heritage. No one ever taught me about Mexico and where my family started out and we didn't really have hispanic traditions, just the ones that any other family does in America that makes them unique. I know other people might cringe and read this in the Latino community as me being a big asshole. But every time I see a hecho en mexico shirt or mexican flag I get mad. I feel like if you've made the choice to leave Mexico for a better life and decide to legally take on citizenship in America, that you become American and display your American flag. However, I do not mean to go throw away your Mexican heritage and traditions that makes you an individual and unique. I find it quite insulting seeing that, especially those hecho en Mexico everywhere I go. Why are you showing me that? That just is like a big fuck you. "This land is your land, this land is my land"-as long as you don't get all crazy. When I worked at Starbucks I used to get really irritated because, I guess naturally so, people would assume I speak spanish and I would say no. What can I get for you? (in english) and they would continue to describe what they wanted in spanish as I rolled my eyes. I would NEVER decide to move to France and live there without deciding to learn the language and attempt to speak it. Many people here decide to keep themselves segregated into not attempting to learn the language and it is very insulting. If I decided to live in Mexico I would take classes and learn it so that I would be able to function as a citizen of that country. I'm glad to be hecho en America and who I've become even if I'm not perfect. I don't mean to attack the latino community specifically, but that's where a part of me came from. I would say the same to any russian or japanese person who decided to take on citizenship here too.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
So I've become a little anorexic lately as summer is coming up, but that six pack is there I know it! I'm right on the brink of it! I am really not overweight or anything there's just that teeny tiny layer of body fat I just can't get seem to rid of. Maybe it's all that drinking Adios's and going out three times a week...but I feel like I make up for it with all the hot sweaty sexy dancing I'm doing, and I don't just move my feet, I get down low. My goal is to look amazing by my birthday August 31st where my good friend and I will be partying at Float-A-palooza in Belmont Shore again as we BOTH rock our speedos and cause a commotion and wow and shock people. But this a-hole friend has a natural six pack, I don't care what he says you don't eat domino's pizza, yogurtland, and del taco in one sitting and STILL have a six pack. Unfortunately my non-athletic body has definitely changed over the last few years but I still am yearning for Ryan Reynolds to come train me and do other activities...I am lazy, I admit, but I am working at it. I compete in Triathlons but I hate running because of my shin splints and getting all set up with my bike is just too much work and what if I get a flat? fuck that. So I swim a lot...maybe that's why I've improved...hmm...well anyways I don't think I look too bad in a speedo, I don't have a glistening six pack, but I do have the ass part going for me, bless my latin side, and my legs do alright, but the upper body is just bleh. SO Here's to a somewhat six pack for the end of summer 10' so I can show it off in my speedos (or even as a go-go dancer in weho)
So I had a follower request I speak about where all the hot middle-aged men are. It really is a disappointment, I do see this problem quite often on Millionaire Matchmaker. Patty tries to get these 45 year-old men to date women around their age but they will only go with someone 30 and under. WTF? These men only have one thing in mind, and you just don't need those people in your life (they are still little boys who have acted like it thus far and they are single for a reason). Like in my previous post, there are still romantic men out there that have other things in mind before sex. I am a pretty cynical guy when it comes to relationships, but I still think they are out there for you...it just takes a really long time...try match.com! There are some people that aren't total creeps out there!
"If you want to be my lover you've gotta get with my friends"-Please don't take advice from the Spice Girls. "Getting with" your new love interests friends is just probably the worst thing you could ever do. I have been called a matchmaker time and again, thank you very much, I just get vibes from people and I can tell wether A) I'm going to like them and B) if they are good people that I can introduce to my friends (mostly the guys who have a tendency to mask their sensitivity with immaturity and manly things) I can usually tell and read a person without them even saying a word. Let's call it a sixth sense of some kind.
I'm also writing this while watching Millionaire Matchmaker so this is giving me my inspiration. I realized over the last 5 years or so, especially after bossing around a bunch of boys as a coxswain on the crew team, that men are more sensitive than you think. They whine and complain that "it's too cold!", "how long are we gonna do this for!?", "are we there yet?" and these men are all straight, jeezus! Ladies, they complain like women do and I've noticed this as a neutral gay party would (I think I stand on a special middle ground where I can observe and report (my party has it's own separate issues)) This coincides with how guys and girls these days "communicate" and go on dates and the proper "steps" you're supposed to do to pursue. So throw your stereotypes and cliche's out the door folks it's a new revolution and I'm implementing it with none of this bull shit I have to wait three days to call her or else I look desperate. If you like the guy or girl then blow up their phone because if they aren't interested you won't have to wait those three days!
Ladies, lets cut the men some slack! I think a lot of women are used to the fact the guys are jerks who just want to get in their pants. And while the getting-in-their-pants part may be true, it's all for the romance first! There are still romantic men out there for you and they may be "nice" and you're really confused because you expect assholes who don't know how to treat you. I DECLARE they are there and you just have to figure out what you really really want!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Soo I just took my roommate to rehab today, it's a place in Costa Mesa that was featured on A&E's Intervention. He started drinking his last sips of alcohol at the start of 6 a.m. this morning and I could definitely tell as I felt like I was taking my child to summer camp who didn't really want to go. He is definitely embarrassed and he had a tough time letting go but he really needed to get help that I could not do all by myself. I was looking for the cameras today as I felt like I was on an episode of Intervention as I got him all settled in. He wanted me to stay there for a little bit but I know how the process works and I had to leave. It was like leaving a two-year old. Of course it's scary, you're in a place with people you don't know and they take your phone away and get you through detox. It's a sucky and shitty process but he has to do it for himself and get the help that they can give. People would say you really should just leave it alone and move out and not deal with it anymore. But, that's what friends are for even if he is a grown 48 year old man, everything just isn't right in his head at the moment and therapy is the best way. The facility just called me and told me that he walked out and was refusing to cooperate, so I gave my roommate a call and convinced him to go back. I suppose we'll see if he really stays this time and I told him I wouldn't help him again if he left. I hope I never get like this and that if somehow I do that my friends will help me like I am helping him. It's been a weird and kinda dramatic process as a 22 year old helps a 48 year old beat an addiction...I'm just glad it's not the other way around.
So for almost two years I have been attempting triathlons, and I haven't not finished one yet which I think is a great accomplishment since I have a tendency to quit things. Growing up my mother never got me into sports really. Well, my sister and I played tennis when we were younger and had some lessons. But I never did little league, or swam, or ran at all and fitness was just blah to me as I hated P.E. and the stupid essays we had to write where I was accused of plagiarizing which was COMPLETE bull shit. Anyways this also goes along with me trying to fit in in my most awkward and confusing stages in middle school where I thought I'd try out for guy's softball (there was no baseball, that was too dangerous) and you know what I'm proud of myself for at least going to tryouts. The thing is that I really sucked, but you know I could always hit the ball but I could never "pop flys" or whatever and I always ended up hitting it straight back at the pitcher near the groin area...well I didn't make the team. Which was fine, I was butt hurt for a little while but I got through it and in my Freshman year of high school I decided I would try again...I really wanted to do swim...but...well I was too scared to try that and wear a speedo (that's not the case anymore :) I was so self-conscious and hated locker-room kind of scenes. So I was like "hey I used to play tennis!" and so I signed up and played. I had really forgotten that I was also terrible at this sport. My serves were ridiculously slow and girlish and I just sucked. It was also taking a lot of time out of school and I got home late all the time for all the away games I ALWAYS lost. So I quit, like I do with a lot of things. So when I got to college I knew this would be a whole different story and I could really try something they don't have in the desert. I joined the crew team at Long Beach State and it was amazing! However, I still was not that good, but I did feel a lot better about it than the other sports I had failed at. The best part wasn't even really physical as I became the fattest coxswain harkening back to my marching band days as drum major and if you ask anyone on the team you could hear me scream at those boys from a mile away. I really liked it because I had this authority that I never really had before and it gave me a big confidence boost. Well after two years of waking up at 5am every day I had to stop (plus team sports can get messy with people quitting and not caring) SO my lovely friend and I found the CSULB Triathlon Team and the rest is history. I had to learn how to swim, get a decent bike, and run like I never had before. Triathlons are the best adrenaline rush you can get and while again I am mediocre at this sport, I'm not quitting, I may have fallen off my bike a few times, swallowed nasty ocean water, and wanted to walk my run, but I always make it to the finish line which is something I hadn't done too often before (you know? finish something). I often get jealous of why I can't be naturally athletic at at least one of these legs of the race, but maybe I just wasn't built for that and I have to work at it more if I really want to improve. I guess I figure that I just don't "have it" but I will push myself to the brink before I figure out a point I can't go past. That's just the way it is and I think my fragile and artistic body wasn't meant for an Ironman...but maybe ;)
Monday, May 10, 2010
So here's some fun, which again kinda relates to me coming out and being a lot more comfortable about myself (don't worry, I won't use my gayness in every blog posting!) but I know everyone will love this.
I love Southern California and I would never live anywhere else! Coming out seemed to be the hardest thing I've ever done and it took a long time for me to realize exactly what I ought to do with myself. One by one I went down the line of close friends and it really wasn't a big surprise to anyone, I was hoping to shock a few people...but alas my friends were nice and just never bugged me about it and already knew for some time. I feel amazing being myself now, it just is great to not have to think or worry about what other people think. Plus I try not to stereotype myself and I am just the Lorenzo that you all know and love and jealous as I dance dirty with your woman.
So this year I decided to bring my straight...or curious (haha) friends out to West Hollywood aka Gaytown as I call it, and go to the many eclectic bars and clubs that reside there. First of all I loved them for being so open-minded (even the guys!) for agreeing to go and see what all my fuss was about. We definitely needed a change of pace from Belmont Shore's 2nd Street filled with bars where plaid shirts were prevalent in bars like Douchlend's aka Legend's. But anyways West Hollywood is full of beautiful men, hot shirtless bartenders (that stick their credit cards to their bare chests) and straight go-go dancers who have amazing bodies, but no talent in the dance department. I have wowed and amazed my friends and we always have a blast getting plastered at Fiesta Cantina where you can't beat the late-night happy hour with strong drinks and the always disastrous bright blue Adios drinks that make my guy friends take off their shirts (and take mine off) and the girls go dance crazy as we go at it until 4am. It's great because I get to take my wingmen and wingwomen with me and can really be myself and even when I get rejected I always have my good friends to scream Party in the U.S.A. and boogie with. Random is the best form of entertainment and I always have a story to tell for weeks...and there's so many I have yet to tell! If you think you can handle a really good time..well you know where to find me although I need a break this month...let's aim for JUNE!
So as some of my friends already know I live with this older gay guy (48 years old) and for the last 8 months his live-in 19 year old boyfriend. Yes, the problem seems to arise and you already know what I'm about to tell you, but before that (cue flashback black & white dream sequence music):
I've long thought of becoming a therapist. I seem to be the person everyone comes to for advice and telling me their deep dark secrets. And I don't even have to ask, they just spill the beans, and I don't mind usually. I think I give great advice and am an amazing listener, however, that much private information can sometimes give me a stressful overload of knowledge I just can't contain. Thus, my loose lips have sunken ships...as some of you may know. I sometimes tend to get too involved and take on too much of what isn't mine to clean up. I like to help people and I have this extreme protectiveness over my friends that they may not really see. I think it's because I was teased so much growing up always about what I wore, the things I liked, and for being gay (which I had not really discovered until much later). I liked being me and I only had a select group of friends who I could rely on and count on throughout public school. They held me up even when I was emotionally distressed and going through my own shit at home (ex-father..ahem) I'd have to say that I have been feeling great since October of 09' not too long ago! But that's when I came out and realized no one really gave a shit and I've met so many amazing people...I don't think they even know that. I love having the many friends I do and their support as I support them. Everyone needs people in their lives as positive influences and sometimes you have to set them straight and give them a piece of your mind about the mistakes they may make. This brings me back to my alcoholic cradle-robbing roommate. The guy is a great, giving, and caring person...so naturally he likes to help people and seems to find all the wrong little boys to help. So his latest disaster is this 19 year old guy we'll call "Chaz" who gives me his life story in 5 minutes (left home at 15, doesn't live anywhere, doesn't have a job (oh he says he's a model....if he's a model...then so am I...and I am nowhere near being a model))and I realize I DO NOT LIKE HIM. And ask anyone, I get along with everyone, except this kid because he is a moocher, low-life, scum, and taker-advantager ofer (yes I made that up, go with it!). My roommate has a problem and so I finally got him to suck it up and throw "Chaz's" stuff out and change the locks. Tomorrow I am taking him to rehab...I don't mind helping...but I know I've gotten too involved where "Chaz" wants to beat the shit out of me because I'm killing his income and livelihood by getting rid of him. It's for the best but right now it's a mini shit-storm but I don't take BS from anyone and I want to truly help him get better and I know if I don't, no one will.
So there's a good and bad to getting into other people's stuff. I like to be the mini-therapist to my friends and I hope they appreciate it even when I slip up and need my own advice and a slap in the face. We all make mistakes, but that's why we help each other and that's how I get through life...messing up...and as the late Aaliyah says "dust yourself off and try again"
So I am trying out this whole blog thing since Julie whatshername from the movie and book called Julie & Julia got her all famous and stuff. I am also trying this out, but I haven't found my Schtick yet or else no one will read this. My name is Lorenzo and I graduated from California State University of Long Beach film/media studies where I sorta learned some good stuff. I can't believe you can get a degree watching movies! It's great! These days no one cares what you get a degree in just as long as you have one. I love film and television and the entertainment business but I still have yet to figure out the role I'm going to play in this. I am so confused like any other lost gay 22 year old man I suppose. I ended up finally picking up a real job after 5 months of searching post-graduation. I worked at a public relations firm...I had no idea how it worked, and I figured out it wasn't really for me a couple weeks in. HOWEVER it was a decent job besides the fact that my boss well, I love the guy, but our personalities did not match up and it became a disastrous and tumultuous temper tantrum of a mess that ended most recently in a shit storm of shittyness. It was a mostly amicable split after the movers I hired dropped his really expensive piano and then I realized someone had it in for me. So now I am unemployed, voluntarily so and have been looking for jobs ever since on craigslist. Craigslist is great once you shuffle through the bullshit. I reside in Long Beach, Belmont Shore, and I love it. I live with this older gay man in his house and have recently FINALLY got him to get rid of his 19 year old boyfriend who has been a disaster in his and my life. BUT I really want to move to LA and do the whole LA thing you're supposed to do to follow your dreams, but I really dislike living situations in LA. I guess I have to be in the action to get the action. Many of you may ask why would you up and quit your first salary paying, paid benefits, weekends off job? I learned after living with an asshole of an Ex-Father (yes they exist) who made me feel like I was worthless and degrading towards me, that I would never again go through that or deal with it. I only need positive accepting people in my life and when you're not happy and full of depression and extreme anxiety, it has to stop. So I did. Thank god for my big tax return!!! So now like every cliche I am sitting in a Starbucks writing whatever the hell I feel like and if you don't like what I like, well then you should! We'll see how many people will follow me.